i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
