you would pick up someone in the library
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
