i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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