Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
