How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
