She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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