the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
