ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
