people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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