with your own penis?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
