When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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