the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
