i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Found the puke drawer
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
