God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
