I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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