The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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