I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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