a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
