Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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