just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
