i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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