Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
