he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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