No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
