last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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