how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize