We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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