Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
