The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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