i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
