Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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