If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
