where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
