pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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