Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
