i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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