I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
