Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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