I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
