i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
