There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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