My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
