So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
