I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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