what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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