The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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