giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
