Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
