Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
