I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
