So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
