There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
