Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
