I hope mine doesn't look like that
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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