Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
false alarm. still invincible.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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