I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
