Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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