ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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