If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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