This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
