garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
