Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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