I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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