I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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