have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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